Tonight is Guy Fawkes Night. For those of you unfamiliar with this festive day, it is a United Kingdom custom that was created after the English historical event called the Gunpowder Plot. To help you better understand I will quickly give you the grade 9 history project version of the plot that has spawned its own celebration. In 1604, King James was reigning over England (and Scotland but he was King James the IV there so I won’t mention that much). King James and the rest of his aristocracy were strict Protestants. Obviously, this religious ideology did not sit well with Catholics living in England at the time (the obviousness stems from centuries of conflict between the two groups). An assassination plot of all the Protestant leaders was developed (the only reasonable solution) and the leader of the group was Robert Catesby. Although Catesby was in fact the leader of this group of Catholic assassins (sounds like something from a Dan Brown novel eh) Guy Fawkes is the one who is now remember. Fawkes was the group’s explosives expert (sounds like something from an Ocean’s Eleven movie eh) and it was most likely Fawkes’ work that would have caused the King’s death. When the plot was discovered by English officials, just hours before it was implemented, Guy Fawkes was captured and tortured for days before being executed.
Today this execution is reenacted on a glorious evening called Guy Fawkes Night. Families all over the world on November 5th celebrate by lighting fireworks to represent the would-be explosion and creating huge bonfires where objects called “guys” are burned. “Guys” are scarecrows or manikins that resemble a human. These scarecrows are created as a representation of Guy Fawkes and are burned in celebration of the failed attempt on the life of the King in the 17th century. Just like Easter, Guy Fawkes Night allows people to enjoy the celebration of a villain’s horrible death (I am only kidding... Guy Fawkes wasn’t that bad).
Guy Fawkes Night is a night that should be celebrated by everyone around the world. Why you may ask? Do I have some love for King James? Not exactly. Of course I do love everyone’s favourite Cavalier, but I would burn LeBron James bobble-heads if I could use it as an excuse to celebrate something. The real reason for my endorsement is that I believe in the idea of celebration. Guy Fawkes Night is just a cool way to go about this celebration. Not too mention, I don’t think we in modern society celebrate enough (Okay, maybe I did mention it). Sure you might say, “Everyone is still recovering from their Halloween hangover by November 5th. It is too early to celebrate again.” As always I respond, “prove it.”
I think we already have a similar instance were there are two celebratory holidays with a short break in between them; do we not? Santa's birthday and New Years are only 6 days apart and that is one of the best times of the year. In ancient Rome, one of the most bad ass historical periods ever (for proof of this please watch the extremely accurate historical documentary starring Russell Crow entitled The Gladiator), the Romans dedicated a whole month to celebration and festivals. This month is what we know as March, or Martius in Ancient Rome, named after Mars, the God of War. I am not saying we should get all of November off (unless that is an option) but let us all have a bit more time for party. Even the tiny people living in Rome many years ago knew how to throw a party (ignore any knowledge of bloodletting that may have occurred in Marius). Can we not just burn some “guys” and enjoy ourselves?
So maybe you’re convinced that we should celebrate something, but why Guy Fawkes Night? You might be saying, “It is such an odd tradition and it happened so long ago.” Besides from my normal response of “prove it”, I will also respond by asking, “Is there anything odd about the holiday that we all know and love, Christmas (sorry Jews)?” Remember, Christmas is supposed to be about celebrating the birth of our savior (well not mine) Jesus Christ. This story of the baby being showered with gold (not golden showered, that’s an R Kelly Christmas video) is easily forgotten when we look at modern traditions. Christmas in 2010 will feature; a fat old man who lures children on to his knee by telling them he is going to come to their house and give them presents (this of course is cooperated with by parents who in the name of the season allow their children to disregard everything they have learned about real life and how they should act towards strangers); midgets dressed as mythological elves who are degraded by the media and large corporations without concern; white collar criminals selling ideas on how to make the most elaborate house of gingerbread; sticks of candy given to children with the knowledge that these stick will increase the likelihood of tooth decay and the onset of cavities; a green plant that is hung up and then if walked under forces those under it into engage in sexual activity involving both participants’ mouths; fake snow sprayed from an aerosol container that although it may look similar to snow, it causes environmental pollution and cancer; flocks of housewives who when together have the capacity to fill shopping malls. These individuals fight over the latest toys, toys made by Asian children who are forced into labour in order to survive; and finally there are the trees that are cut down, dragged home on the roofs of cars and put into a common room of the house, soon to have light bulbs hung off them while listening to songs about roasting chestnuts and being spied on by a fat pedophile. I guess you do have a point, burning a scarecrow is weird. Plus 1604 was a very long time ago; the mythological birth of Christ was only 2000 years ago. I hope within my sarcasms and attempts to offend you got the point.
This article will wrap up (not a Christmas reference) with a general philosophical question. What is the point of our existence as human-beings? Is it not to have fun and to celebrate our lives?... I hope you didn’t answer those questions by saying that routine and working a 9:00 am to 5:00 pm job in the hopes that upon death you can tell the nurse that your riding lawnmower was newer than your neighbours is what life means to you. I am going to celebrate my life while I still can; I am off to throw another “guy” on the fire and give my props to King James.
“It’s a celebration bitches! Grab a drink, grab a glass, after that I’ll grab your ass” – Kanye West
Written by Aaron Bawn
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