I'm So Productive

As I sit in my room, laptop perched atop my lap as the title suggests, I am not being productive. I should be writing my edit script, or even scheduling a shoot for a film that is due in two weeks. However pressing these tasks may be, I cannot help but allow certain things to wane my interest in the mandatory. The following nouns and the verbs which accompany them are responsible for my distraction:

1- Stephen King's new novel "Under the Dome": As per usual, I am transfixed by the stories that Mr. King has managed to arrange some letters into words, and these words into sentences that in turn tell several amazing stories in one book. I just wish I could find someone to pay me for reading his books, then reading them wouldn’t be seen as a bad thing.

2- The Soft Pack: One of my new favourite bands. These so-cal rockers are not only putting out great music, but original collections of photos and videos to accompany their tracks. One viewing of their beach performance of the song "Down on Lovin'" will have you too putting your school work aside to delve deeper into the world of The Soft Pack.

3- Tetley Tea: Some people eat when they're bored, some people watch tv. I drink tea, of the Tetley variety. Right now, as I type away, I have a nice steaming cup of tea next to me awaiting my consumption. I don't experiment with tea, I have a brand that I like and that's good enough for me. Tetley offers and perfect balance of real tea leaves mixed with preservatives and chemicals that make for a nice bastardized version of a drink which has been around for a few thousand years. Let’s see how many I'll have today.

4- Making Lists: I'm like John Cusak in High Fidelity. Except I have less vinyl.

Thank you for being a part of my procrastination.

Declan

Time For a Plaid Shirt and an Acoustic Guitar

If only I could find the fountain of youth, my favourite bands could play forever. But alas, there is no such thing as eternal youth, and the demise of my favourite bands will either happen by their choice or mine. After all, there is nothing more pathetic than seeing a bunch of middle-aged dudes trying to play the same music they did so well when they were in their early twenties. But so far so good; bands like Brand New, Moneen and the Ataris are adapting their sound to their age, and looking back at classic examples such as At the Drive In breaking up to avoid forcing their early punk sounds and also to search for a more mature sound. Believe me when I say that I am not against the pop-punk/high energy rock bands, what I am against, however, is the idea of these same bands attempting to create a long-lasting career with these same songs and styles.
Just one listen to Moneen’s latest album The World I want to Leave Behind illustrates exactly what I am advocating. They have come a long way from their earlier days of high-energy jams which can be found on 2001’s The Theory of Harmonial Value. This was a great album, and I will listen to it for the rest of my life, but if I go to a Moneen show in three years and they’re still playing those same songs, I may have to reconsider my love for the lads. I have to stress that The World is a much more mature side of Moneen, even more so than The Red Tree, which was just a step along the way to being the band they are now.
Brand New are another one of my favourite bands who are in the middle of a transition period of their sound (when have they not been?). The differences between 2001’s Your Favorite Weapon and this year’s release Daisy are staggering. Jesse Lacey has succeeded in leading his best friends, and their fans, from their early roots in Long Island’s punk scene into worldwide success. They have managed to do this unscathed, all the while maintaining their credibility, not an easy thing to do in the genre. Along the way they have released some of my favourite songs, and albums, each one completely different than the previous release. Along the way, Jesse has also developed his solo career, performing countless acoustic shows with friends like Kevin Devine. Is this an avenue that Jesse will continue to explore? One can only hope. I don’t wish to see the end of Brand New anytime soon, but I would much rather never hear another Brand New album that isn’t a “brand new” sound.
While we’re on the topic of solo careers branching out of our favourite “punk” bands, there are a few more people who I must mention. First off, the obvious, Dallas Green. Dallas, as we all know, is from the St. Kitts based Alexisonfire. What we also know is that Dallas is one extremely talented singer, and a decent guitarist. Combine these two and what do you get? A career that will live on long after the guys in Alexisonfire have called it quits due to their ever expanding beer guts, and failing vocal chords. Another man who deserves a great deal of praise for his solo work is Kris Roe, of The Ataris. If you aren’t a fan of The Ataris you may not know what I’m talking about, so I will enlighten you. In between Ataris albums (yes, they have more than one), Kris is known for going on solo tours without any set dates, leaving it up to his fans to book shows for him along the way. The result of this is smaller, more intimate shows filled with true fans of Kris’s acoustic performances. Not only is Kris doing these small acoustic shows, his albums are also becoming smaller in a sense. They have been stripped down to basic formats, and the songs speak of more mature subjects. Songs about teenage riots and broken promise rings have been replaced by much darker themes and subjects.
Don’t get me wrong, I value the time that I have with bands like Dead and Divine, A Day to Remember and Protest the Hero. What I’m trying to say is that I know they aren’t going to last forever. The genre itself requires too many variables that expire when the band’s twenties pass; energy, a healthy liver, strong vocal chords, and the ability to connect with one’s audience. While we wish our favourite bands could last forever, we save their music to our computers because we know that our hard drives offer something much more permanent than those bands can ever give us.

Declan

Who is watching these movies?

Variety Online last week featured a headline “’2012’ destroys worldwide box office”. According to the article the “disaster pic brings in total of $225 million”. It grossed $225 million dollars in its opening weekend! Obviously I have not yet seen this film; however from the floods of “wtf’s” (wtf = what the fuck) I have seen this week in response to the movie on Facebook from friends and acquaintances, it has let me confirm my predictions (not a Mayan reference) that 2012 is a crap movie. Really though, who would have thought? There is a scene in the trailer where John Cusack drives a car out of a cargo plane, he drops 100 feet and lands in the snow. Not only does there appear to be any damage (hard to tell because it was so CGI’ed) but he is able to drive away, in the snow, unharmed. This trailer seems so realistic and exciting; it’s no wonder people flocked to the theatre. I feel as if I may be the only person who actually saw that junk trailer because how could someone actually watch a preview like that and then spend $11.00 (plus popcorn and a diet coke with two straws) on such a horrible looking movie? I hate to think society has such poor taste or that they are as stupid as these statistics make them look. It did gross $225 million dollars in the opening weekend though. Okay, maybe society is that stupid.

I think David Fincher may feel the same way that I do. This week when the movie Fight Club was released onto blueray, Fincher (the movie’s director) included a prank, one that I believe has an argument behind it. Those who have purchased the blueray disc are (hopefully) angered when the main menu loads. Fincher has used the start menu of the movie “Never Been Kissed” starring Hollywood bicycle Drew Barrymore to (hopefully) scare his viewers. After a few seconds, the screen changes to the proper “Fight Club” start-up but the initial shock of thinking you purchased “Never Been Kissed” must be devastating (hopefully). Besides being a pretty humorous joke, David Fincher, in my opinion, is making a statement. The film “Never Been Kissed” was released at the same time as “Fight Club” and embarrassingly enough the film crushed “Fight Club” at the box office. Embarrassing and disgraceful considering that a large group of critics (including myself) regard “Fight Club” as one of the better movies of this millennium.

Just look at the box office results every week and you will see some Kate Hudson and Matt McConaughey movie dominating the box office. Future classics, future Oscar winners, and extremely intelligent works of art take the backseat to a bunch recycled jokes and a ridiculous plot about two idiots falling in love. These romantic comedies seem to me as though they are the result of someone opening a script on their computer, changing the setting and character names, and then clicking the ‘replace all’ icon (it’s easier to do than it looks). These movies are the adult version of the Teletubies (ie: the repetition of the same annoying shit over-and-over). The difference is that toddlers aren’t filling the theatres every week to watch a shirt less McConaughey, or a could-they-not-get-a-better-looking-lead Barrymore in some ridiculous role.

In the movie “Fight Club” Brad Pitt’s character says, “Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we haul your trash, we connect your calls, we drive your ambulances. We guard you while you sleep.” When asking the question, “who is watching these movies?” I feel like the Tyler Durden (Brad Pitt’s character) quote may be fitting. The box office records confirm that these fools are everywhere; they are lurking behind every corner, stalking, and waiting to throw money in the face of some undeserving and over-rated actor.

In conclusion I am basically just saying a few things. By supporting movies such as these, you are ruining the film industry; think of this when you decide to go throw away money on a garbage movie. Watch the trailers and read the reviews before going to see a movie. If the trailer looks familiar, it is probably a very similar movie to the last romantic comedy you saw. All this talk about bad blockbusters makes me sick in anticipation for Christopher Nolan’s next Batman, a blockbuster movie with substance. Remember, there is nothing romantic or comedic about another Matthew McConaughey movie. Matt, put on a shirt and do a movie worth watching. You are going to wake up one morning 70-years-old, alone, and with skin cancer. At this point your legacy won’t even fill up a 30 minute television documentary. Finally, although violence is rarely the answer, if you ever see John Cusack would you please slap him across the face for me?



Aaron Bawn

Guy "f-ing" Fawkes: Burning for all of eternity

Tonight is Guy Fawkes Night. For those of you unfamiliar with this festive day, it is a United Kingdom custom that was created after the English historical event called the Gunpowder Plot. To help you better understand I will quickly give you the grade 9 history project version of the plot that has spawned its own celebration. In 1604, King James was reigning over England (and Scotland but he was King James the IV there so I won’t mention that much). King James and the rest of his aristocracy were strict Protestants. Obviously, this religious ideology did not sit well with Catholics living in England at the time (the obviousness stems from centuries of conflict between the two groups). An assassination plot of all the Protestant leaders was developed (the only reasonable solution) and the leader of the group was Robert Catesby. Although Catesby was in fact the leader of this group of Catholic assassins (sounds like something from a Dan Brown novel eh) Guy Fawkes is the one who is now remember. Fawkes was the group’s explosives expert (sounds like something from an Ocean’s Eleven movie eh) and it was most likely Fawkes’ work that would have caused the King’s death. When the plot was discovered by English officials, just hours before it was implemented, Guy Fawkes was captured and tortured for days before being executed.

Today this execution is reenacted on a glorious evening called Guy Fawkes Night. Families all over the world on November 5th celebrate by lighting fireworks to represent the would-be explosion and creating huge bonfires where objects called “guys” are burned. “Guys” are scarecrows or manikins that resemble a human. These scarecrows are created as a representation of Guy Fawkes and are burned in celebration of the failed attempt on the life of the King in the 17th century. Just like Easter, Guy Fawkes Night allows people to enjoy the celebration of a villain’s horrible death (I am only kidding... Guy Fawkes wasn’t that bad).

Guy Fawkes Night is a night that should be celebrated by everyone around the world. Why you may ask? Do I have some love for King James? Not exactly. Of course I do love everyone’s favourite Cavalier, but I would burn LeBron James bobble-heads if I could use it as an excuse to celebrate something. The real reason for my endorsement is that I believe in the idea of celebration. Guy Fawkes Night is just a cool way to go about this celebration. Not too mention, I don’t think we in modern society celebrate enough (Okay, maybe I did mention it). Sure you might say, “Everyone is still recovering from their Halloween hangover by November 5th. It is too early to celebrate again.” As always I respond, “prove it.”

I think we already have a similar instance were there are two celebratory holidays with a short break in between them; do we not? Santa's birthday and New Years are only 6 days apart and that is one of the best times of the year. In ancient Rome, one of the most bad ass historical periods ever (for proof of this please watch the extremely accurate historical documentary starring Russell Crow entitled The Gladiator), the Romans dedicated a whole month to celebration and festivals. This month is what we know as March, or Martius in Ancient Rome, named after Mars, the God of War. I am not saying we should get all of November off (unless that is an option) but let us all have a bit more time for party. Even the tiny people living in Rome many years ago knew how to throw a party (ignore any knowledge of bloodletting that may have occurred in Marius). Can we not just burn some “guys” and enjoy ourselves?

So maybe you’re convinced that we should celebrate something, but why Guy Fawkes Night? You might be saying, “It is such an odd tradition and it happened so long ago.” Besides from my normal response of “prove it”, I will also respond by asking, “Is there anything odd about the holiday that we all know and love, Christmas (sorry Jews)?” Remember, Christmas is supposed to be about celebrating the birth of our savior (well not mine) Jesus Christ. This story of the baby being showered with gold (not golden showered, that’s an R Kelly Christmas video) is easily forgotten when we look at modern traditions. Christmas in 2010 will feature; a fat old man who lures children on to his knee by telling them he is going to come to their house and give them presents (this of course is cooperated with by parents who in the name of the season allow their children to disregard everything they have learned about real life and how they should act towards strangers); midgets dressed as mythological elves who are degraded by the media and large corporations without concern; white collar criminals selling ideas on how to make the most elaborate house of gingerbread; sticks of candy given to children with the knowledge that these stick will increase the likelihood of tooth decay and the onset of cavities; a green plant that is hung up and then if walked under forces those under it into engage in sexual activity involving both participants’ mouths; fake snow sprayed from an aerosol container that although it may look similar to snow, it causes environmental pollution and cancer; flocks of housewives who when together have the capacity to fill shopping malls. These individuals fight over the latest toys, toys made by Asian children who are forced into labour in order to survive; and finally there are the trees that are cut down, dragged home on the roofs of cars and put into a common room of the house, soon to have light bulbs hung off them while listening to songs about roasting chestnuts and being spied on by a fat pedophile. I guess you do have a point, burning a scarecrow is weird. Plus 1604 was a very long time ago; the mythological birth of Christ was only 2000 years ago. I hope within my sarcasms and attempts to offend you got the point.

This article will wrap up (not a Christmas reference) with a general philosophical question. What is the point of our existence as human-beings? Is it not to have fun and to celebrate our lives?... I hope you didn’t answer those questions by saying that routine and working a 9:00 am to 5:00 pm job in the hopes that upon death you can tell the nurse that your riding lawnmower was newer than your neighbours is what life means to you. I am going to celebrate my life while I still can; I am off to throw another “guy” on the fire and give my props to King James.

“It’s a celebration bitches! Grab a drink, grab a glass, after that I’ll grab your ass” – Kanye West


Written by Aaron Bawn